Clash of the Titans without the budget, Gladiator without the ambition and spectacle, 300 and Immortals without the style and nerve, God of War without the wicked fun, The Legend of Hercules imitates these and many more sword-and-sandal epics in film and video games and exceeds none of them. It’s absolutely painful to sit through, and not because of any particular brutality in the fight scenes.
In 1200 B.C., brutal and power-hungry King Amphitryon (Scott Adkins) conquers the Kingdom of Argos and proceeds to plunder its wealth. His long-suffering wife, Queen Alcmene (Roxxane McKee), pleads to the Olympian gods for a way to stop the slaughter and deliver her people from Amphitryon’s tyrannical rule. Her prayers are answered when Hera, queen of the gods and wife of Zeus, grants permission for her husband to satisfy his lust for Alcmene in order for her to give birth to a demigod child who will someday spare Argos and Greece further bloodshed by deposing Amphitryon and his heirs.
Twenty years later, Hercules (Kellan Lutz), named “Alcides” by the king and unknowing of his godly parentage, loves and longs to wed the princess of Crete, Hebe (Gaia Weiss). But Amphitryon has other plans: he betroths his other son, the whiny and jealous Iphicles (Liam Garrigan), to Hebe and sends Alcides off to war in Egypt, where the young hero soon finds himself betrayed and enslaved as a gladiator.
Can you guess what comes next? Glory in the arena? Check. Discovery of his heritage? Check. Confrontation with evil stepdad? Check. Save the damsel in distress from marrying the weakling jerk? Check. Lots of dead bodies along the way? Double-check, but if you’re looking for blood and gore, look elsewhere — gotta keep that PG-13 rating!
Years ago, Finnish director Renny Harlin made his name in Tinseltown directing Die Hard 2, and then went on to helm, among other Hollywood catastrophes, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The Long Kiss Goodnight, and perhaps one of Hollywood’s most well-known flops, Cutthroat Island. With what he’s cobbled together here, he makes it clear to one and all that he’s been studying the work of much better epic directors and has no compunction whatsoever about stealing their tricks in order to spruce up a production that’s more akin to what you might see on SyFy on a Saturday night than what ought to be on the big screen at the cineplexes. With a budget of just over $70 million, according to Movieweb.com, aside from all the 3D-rendered arrows and swords flying at the audience at every opportunity, the whole production looks recycled and cheap, and that’s being generous.
Harlin also makes clear that he has no interest in actually directing his cast to act or emote. Lead actor Kellan Lutz, who younger moviegoers might recognize from his turns as Emmett Cullen in the Twilight film series, wears more or less the same dull expression in scenes where he’s not fighting or yelling. He does ripple and glisten very well, though, thanks to Harlin shooting lots of scenes with Lutz shirtless and in the rain. That’s actually a step up from Scott Adkins’ work as Amphitryon — Adkins spends the entire film yelling his dialogue, whether he’s in a fight scene or not. The rest of the cast fills out the requisite stock archetypes that are the bare minimum for this sort of material, the most memorable of whom is Liam McIntyre in the role of Herc’s sidekick Sotiris. It should come as no surprise that McIntyre is a good fit for this production and lends his character more gravitas than it deserves: he played the lead on the Starz TV series Spartacus from 2011 to its conclusion last year.
The Legend of Hercules is actually one of two big-screen appearances for the popular Greek hero this year. This summer, audiences will get Dwayne Johnson taking up toga and the Nemean lionskin in Hercules: The Thracian Wars. Do yourself a favor and wait for that production, as its bound to have more going for it than this tragically terrible bore of a film. It’s not even hilariously bad. It’s just plain bad.
Score: 1 out of 5
The Legend of Hercules
Starring Kellan Lutz, Scott Adkins, Liam Mcintyre, Liam Garrigan, Johnathon Schaech, Roxanne Mckee, with Gaia Weiss and Rade Serbedzija. Directed by Renny Harlin.
Running Time: 99 minutes
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense combat action and violence, and for some sensuality.